That’s right, we are waiting. Yes, two 40 somethings with children from previous marriages are waiting for marriage.
For each of us, our previous marriage was with the first person we had sex with. However, both of us had a time since our divorce when we did not wait.
I’m not sure if regret is the right word, but we have recognized that those relationships were less than what we were looking for, even if we didn’t know it at the time.
We each have our own reasons for wanting to wait.
Him, because of what he would like to be able to tell his boys when it comes time for “THE TALK” and when giving advice on dating. But more importantly, because he feels it is what is right, respectful and honorable. He is honoring God and me.
Me, well, I don’t have to worry about the birds and the bees so much anymore as my child is 19 and no longer asking my advice on that topic.
I have to be honest and say that my reasons are not necessarily because that’s what it says in the Bible.
I’m not waiting because I think there is some rule or doctrine. That God will strike me down. That God will favor our relationship. That would only be hypocritical of me. I eat shrimp and have tattoos. I’ve worked on Sunday, who am I to pick and choose which lessons to follow? I’m divorced! I’m sure some Pharisee somewhere would condemn me for that alone.
On a side note, I had a date last year explain to me that his TWO divorces were justified because his exes cheated on him. Basically, he felt he was faultless and thus unblemished in God’s eyes because that is the one excuse you can find in the Bible (read: higher than thou). Good luck finding a woman who wants to start a relationship with you, dude.
For me, it is simply about honoring the fact that what we have is special and different than all the others that came before it. Like a gift to be unwrapped. And not just from me to him but from him to me.
I want to save something for our wedding night. Does that sound archaic? Old fashioned? I don’t care.
We drew a line from the very beginning. That first makeout session included a conversation. Okay, maybe it was before the the second session when it was clear we needed to talk about where we were going.
That imaginary line in the sand. Or in this case, line on the skin.
An imaginary chastity belt.
I did a Google search to see if there was anyone else writing about this. A little solidarity. All I could find were scant pickings. Come on Russell, I want actual details.
Mostly what I found was from folks (women) who were still virgins, smug in their commitment BECAUSE THEY HAD NOT EVEN HAD SEX YET! They had not even come close to being in a situation where their commitment was put to the test. Not one detailed admittance of staring down the beast of desire and walking away unscathed.
Why? It could be that they just aren’t writing about it. Or maybe it’s because they couldn’t do it!
Good luck, ladies. Really, I hope you can keep your resolve. Statistics show you won’t.
80% of Christian Evangelicals say they aren’t waiting. Not that I consider that group any kind of authority. Why aren’t they waiting? Here’s what I think. We are designed for desire. To crave the touch of another human being. IT STARTS FROM BIRTH. And God does not make mistakes. Gary Chapman made it one of the 5 Love Languages. There is no denying it is an essential part of our relationships even if we all may need it at different levels.
I saw an interview with Lolo Jones and she said waiting for sex was harder than training for the Olympics. And she doesn’t even know what she is missing!
We know what we are missing. Exactly what we are waiting for.
Sure, we are pushing boundaries. Testing that resolve. And there is a lot of talking about what EXACTLY we looking forward to. A LOT.
A lot of buildup. My man has got some sort of resolve and self control. He is much stronger than I.
Can’t lie, it’s kinda sexy.
Who doesn’t remember their first time? I have no illusions. We’re in our mid 40’s. I know it may not live up to my expectations. That’s just the reality of growing older. But unlike that “first time”, there will definitely be some skill involved for our first time. I have to admit, I really like the idea of that.
True, we have a way to go. But if the last seven months is any indicator, as well as our commitment to each other, our resolve will make it.
PS. I did find some good posts like this for those of you wanting to make the same commitment.