Not One Of My Wisest Decisions

I wrote this lately in a stepmom Facebook group when someone asked if anyone regretted marrying a man with kids.  I said that I have no regrets but that I don’t consider it one of my wisest decisions.

I love my husband very much.  No regrets.

But even though I would gladly choose my husband again, I can not say that marrying him was necessarily a wise decision no matter how much I love him.  Why might I say that?

Just a few statistics for you:

• 70 percent of remarriages where kids are involved ends in divorce.  70 percent.
• It takes 7-12 YEARS for a blended family to feel stable or “normal”.

We were having a heated argument a few months ago that revolved around the kids (of course) when I semi-quoted in exasperation, “I did not choose wisely.”

One of our common sayings to each other is “I choose you.”  It’s in our vows.  So, of course, when I said this my husband heard that I did not consider him a wise choice.  That I regretted him as a choice.

In my heart, I meant that I had not made a smart choice. A wise choice.  I had chosen, instead, from the heart.

A wise woman might have waited until his children were grown.  A wise woman might have done a lot more research about blended families beforehand.  A lot more counseling.  There are probably a plethora of things a wise woman might have done before she married a man with 4 children.

I do not feel like a wise woman.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, Our First Anniversary Is In The Books, creating a blended family is one of the hardest thing two people can do.  It is a living hell, actually.

During a recent sermon at church I passed my husband a note with the words the pastor had just spoken, “These trials will make us stronger, our relationship with each other and with God.”

I may not be wise but I do believe God knows what He is doing and I work daily to leave it all up to Him. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done and tests me constantly.  I have to remind myself that marriage is not a sprint but a marathon.  I have to step back, pause, and pace myself because I am in this for the long haul.

It is by faith that you stand firm.  2 Corinthians 1:24

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